We’ve Cracked The Code On The Robust Feminine Character!

We’ve Cracked The Code On The Robust Feminine Character!
Meghan Babbe

Meghan Babbe
I’m not like different ladies, I’m a seashell thrown right into a vat of whiskey (through Unsplash)

Thanks for attending our focus group!

As you’ll be able to in all probability inform from the snack choices we’ve laid out (health bars named PurdyGurl, gummy bears which have actual glitter in them and oranges), this focus group is geared in the direction of girls.

We’ve heard from lots of people that there aren’t sufficient sturdy, female-identifying characters on TV or in films. We’ve heard that criticism, taken it to coronary heart, and have give you an answer.

I current to you: a lady taking a shot of whiskey with out wincing!

It’s scientifically confirmed that girls have weak, paper-thin throats like flamingos, or origami flamingos. It’s what makes their voices so shrill and arduous to know. So seeing a lady throw again 1.5 ounces of pure whiskey with out wincing, coughing, or screaming “Owie! My wittle froat hurts!” is a really highly effective assertion certainly!

And WHISKEY no much less! I’d wish to see Charlotte, Carrie, or the town of New York as a personality try this! Clearly, Samantha and Miranda would have taken pictures with out situation, however that’s a special dialogue. For those who’re fascinated with that evaluation, please join the lecture, “Sexy and Lawyer: How These Two Characters Were Different Than The Other Two.”

Traditionally, whiskey has been a drink reserved for males, as a result of barrels had been the primary pants that males wore. Again when males didn’t even have t-shirts, solely suspenders, males had barrels. Consuming whiskey connects a person to his roots and reminds him of the place he got here from. If a lady desires to be reminded of the place she got here from, she’d should stroll again into the kitchen, as a result of that’s the place the eggs are.

A girl taking a shot of whiskey breaks many stereotypes that maintain girls again. Just like the pervasive perception that girls can solely sip, not chug, drinks. Biologically, girls’s mouths are solely designed to absorb small quantities of liquid at a time. Like a tiny fairy consuming a raindrop from a lily pad.

The very act of slamming a shot glass down frees girls from the stereotype that they need to gently set their glass down, apologize to it, after which go away as quietly as doable.

Males discover the act of a lady consuming whiskey so highly effective that they’ve written tons of of songs about it. Do you could have any thought how arduous it’s to make Toby Keith cease writing songs about flags? Rumor has it that they should chain him up in a cement basement like a werewolf whereas he screams “MORE… FLAG… SONGS!” However a lady taking pictures whiskey is a siren so sturdy, even Toby briefly deserted the celebrities and stripes to jot down in regards to the majesty of it.

We’ve discovered that by including this singular second to an episode of TV or scene in a film, we erase the necessity for different feminist moments like a lady saying “I don’t think so, bub!” or making a mayor character even be a lady and have it’s revealed as a twist. The ghost of Elizabeth Cady Stanton cheers when she hears a personality on TV say, “Oh, I’m sorry… MRS. Mayor.”

Now, we’d like to open it as much as ideas, however everybody appears to be crying an excessive amount of to ask any questions! Girls?? Did any of you eat greater than 1 PurdyGurl bar? As a result of they’re chock filled with artificial estrogen.

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