Uh Oh! I Was Kidnapped By Aliens, However They Simply “Want To Talk”

Uh Oh! I Was Kidnapped By Aliens, However They Simply “Want To Talk”
Jordan Liffengren

Jordan Liffengren

Picture by MaddiesCreation on Unsplash

As soon as once more, I awoke to a brightly lit room — a white, edgeless dome that felt dense and heavy. I attempted to carry my head, however my physique was paralyzed. I might hear one thing stirring beside me. It was him.

“Hey, are you awake?” Blarf requested.

My coronary heart raced on the prospect of one other probing.

“Yes, of course!” I replied, desirous to get the butt stuff began.

“Well, listen… I was hoping we could, uh, talk.”

Uh oh, I believed. This by no means ends effectively.

“Sure, Blarf. You know I’m always up for anything.” I winked to try to maintain issues mild, however I might inform by the state of his doinkers that one thing was off.

“You know that you’re my favorite abductee, right?” He requested.

I believed in regards to the enjoyable we had that point he put his goosherbobs in my ears and chuckled. I nodded with misty eyes.

“Good. Well, I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been promoted. And I’m very happy about it. I’ve been assigned to a new planet, where I’ll be abducting a bit more… complicated creatures for our universal studies.”

“That’s great news, Blarf!”

“Yes, it is. But it means I won’t be coming back to Earth anymore… The company has deemed this place a ‘wasteland’ and forbade us to fly anywhere within 7 light-years of it.”

My coronary heart and my butthole appeared to contract concurrently.

“But what does that mean for us, Blarf? Will you still come and visit me once in a blue moon? Will you still put those little poisonous worms inside of my lungs to see if I can survive despite them — or impregnate me with space trout semen to see if I give birth to a new hybrid species for mass consumption on the planet KL-F2–77?”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk about. I won’t be coming back to Earth for any reason. Even being here now, I’m risking not only my life but two of my penises. Apparently, that virus that’s going around is lethal to our reproductive organs.”

“Oh, boy.”

My eyes searched his for an indication of hope.

“Yes, so I abducted you tonight to tell you… that I have to break up with you. Yes, my assignment was to fill all of your holes. But I did not expect to fill the one in your heart.”

I started to weep. Blarf had touched me in additional methods than one. I couldn’t bear to lose him.

“Can’t we do long-distance, Blarf? I can wear my aluminum hat every day, and you can send me transmissions from your mind telepathically. We could even have phone sex through the radio waves like we did that one time I went on vacation to Florida. We can make this work.”

I desperately clutched at free ends.

“It pains me to say that even if long-distance was an option, I’ve been living a lie here.”

Blarf appeared as far-off as earlier than he had zapped me from my Wisconsin farm, carrying nothing greater than a Meatloaf t-shirt (the meals, not the artist).

“I have a wife and a family back home on ThrobThrob. I shouldn’t have become so close to you to begin with.”

This seemed like my ex, Zach. However he couldn’t be like Zach. He was… completely different.

“I don’t care who you flub back home, Blarf. Our love is one the galaxy cannot tame. Your family doesn’t have to know. I just want to feel your doinkers all over me one last time.”

“Look, you really need to let this go. I love you with all of my goop, but it’s not going to work out.”

“Don’t do this to me, Blarf! Just take me with you, so we can see the shiny lights of the night sky on 0090–5LobLob, just like you told me.”

He’d all the time fantasized with me about our life past speculums and surgical procedure tables, the place we might sip wine and eat tremendous, intergalactic cheeses amongst the celebs.

“Listen, I’m also… space-gay? Yes, A married alien with a family who is also gay… You need to accept this and move on.”

Possibly he was like my ex, Zach…


“So listen, I’m going to be taking your left kidney and heading out. You’ll never see me again after this. I didn’t want to be one of those ghosting-types, so this is my final goodbye. I’ll remember you fondly.”

“But, Blarf, I…” As I grabbed for his shleebo, the room went darkish.

I noticed nothingness for some time earlier than I awoke again in my mattress.

I reached down my again and winced. There was a small heart-shaped incision that made tears start to stream down my cheeks.

He’d left his mark on me, without end.

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